


Cockwomble

by TriDogMom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Explicit Language, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-02-12
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:26:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22673260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TriDogMom/pseuds/TriDogMom
Summary: Theo lets off some steam
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Theodore Nott
Comments: 29
Kudos: 85
Collections: Love Fest 2020





	Cockwomble

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Art3misiA](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Art3misiA/gifts).



> Some fabulous swearing that I've learned from Art3misiA

“GOD DAMN MOTHERFUCKING COCKWOMBLE!”

Hermione stopped outside the classroom that should have been deserted on the second floor. It was after curfew and she was doing her Head Girl patrol. This was her second pass through the corridor, but last time it had been empty. But now, someone was yelling, quite colourfully.

“STUPID PIECE OF SHIT WANKSTICK!”

_ Merlin, someone sure has a mouth on them. _ Peering through the crack left by the semi-open door, Hermione saw a tall student in Slytherin robes pacing with their back to her. She stared in shock. This was the kind of language she would expect from Seamus, or any Gryffindor, but normally the snakes stayed composed, at least in public. She caught his face as he turned. 

“Theo Nott,” she said firmly, channeling Headmistress McGonagall. “It is past curfew, and your language… leaves something to be desired.”

“Like I give a flying niffler’s arse if you don’t like my language, Granger.”

“Would you like to talk about what’s bothering you?”

“No,” Theo sneered. “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to yell about THE FUCKING FUCK KNUCKLE OF A FATHER I HAVE!”

“I read that he was sentenced to life in Azkaban today,” she tried to keep her voice calm. “That must be difficult for you.”

“Difficult?” He stared at her, nonplussed. “Did you say difficult?”

“Yes…”

“You think I’m yelling because I’m mad?”

“Yes…”

“Granger, I’m yelling because I’m  _ happy _ .”

“Okay…” She didn’t believe him. 

“That man was the biggest thundercunt in the universe. With him in Azkaban, I’m finally free. I’m so happy, I could kiss you.”

Hermione didn’t see it coming. Theo had gone from talking, to kissing her. She had never thought about Theo more than being annoyed when his test scores were within ten points of hers. But now that she had felt his lips, she didn’t think she would ever think of him the same way again. Pulling back, she tried to catch her breath. 

“Well, if you want to celebrate by kissing like that,” she gasped. “I’m glad that  _ cock womble  _ is out of your life, too.”

  
  
  



End file.
